It is 2:22 AM and -even though I was tired five hours ago and my eyes are drooping - I can't sleep. Typically this combination of being wide-eyed yet utterly exhausted means I need to write. So here I am, a little more than three hours before I need to get up and get ready for graduation and clacking away at my keyboard while my roommate tosses over in her deep sleep. I am so jealous of her right now.
My mind has been zooming around going nowhere in my head, much like Sonic the Hedgehog trapped in a gerbil wheel. I've been thinking a lot about my college career and all the goals I had set for my senior year. Most of my goals went unaccomplished: taking ice skating, learning trombone, going canyoneering, reading the Book of Mormon in three different languages. And that's kinda bumming me out. I feel like I have some unfinished business and like there will always be a part of me lingering around campus and wandering around the familiar classrooms until I can officially cross those things off my list and head off on my way.
Another part of me is terribly proud of what I have done. I have had adventures. I have taken tap, clogging, Irish dancing, anatomy, a slew of inspiring courses that altered my life or stretched my mind, kicked butt in an intramural soccer team, seen many a wonderful art piece, taken a study abroad to New Zealand, and just today I managed to explore the top of the bell tower.
Another part of me is staring at the graduation gown hanging from the door and wondering if this is all real and what does it mean and just what exactly am I supposed to do now. This is actually the part that is causing me the most grief. I haven't really been worried about my post-graduation life plans but I've been worried that I wasn't worried. Well today a switch flipped and I got worried. I suddenly feel a lack of direction. I feel like Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean when his compass is all skiwampus and he has no clue where he's going or not. Yup. Perfect analogy for my feelings at this very moment.
When I let these thoughts run too long I end up thinking about tomorrow.We'll be going out to lunch tomorrow and my brothers won't be there. Everyone will ask me what my post-graduation plans are and I'll tell them of grand adventures I have planned (more or less) and then everyone will give me flack about not being married (as if every BYU student needs to be wearing a wedding ring before ever wearing a cap and gown) EVEN THOUGH the majority of people I know graduate single and even live to tell the tale. Yeah, I'll get married and I'll even be happy when I do. I just don't see why everyone needs to get their panties in a wad. I wonder: what do normal folks get harassed about after getting married and having kids? And I'll probably be annoyed with the long wait we'll have before we can eat and I'll wish that we had just gotten subs and met at the house or done something cool and recreational just to prove that I learned something from all my recreation management classes.
I'm thinking about showering now so I don't have to before graduation. Here's to writing papers in the middle of the night EVEN THOUGH classes are over, finals are finished, and graduation is around the bend.My mind has been zooming around going nowhere in my head, much like Sonic the Hedgehog trapped in a gerbil wheel. I've been thinking a lot about my college career and all the goals I had set for my senior year. Most of my goals went unaccomplished: taking ice skating, learning trombone, going canyoneering, reading the Book of Mormon in three different languages. And that's kinda bumming me out. I feel like I have some unfinished business and like there will always be a part of me lingering around campus and wandering around the familiar classrooms until I can officially cross those things off my list and head off on my way.
Another part of me is terribly proud of what I have done. I have had adventures. I have taken tap, clogging, Irish dancing, anatomy, a slew of inspiring courses that altered my life or stretched my mind, kicked butt in an intramural soccer team, seen many a wonderful art piece, taken a study abroad to New Zealand, and just today I managed to explore the top of the bell tower.
Another part of me is staring at the graduation gown hanging from the door and wondering if this is all real and what does it mean and just what exactly am I supposed to do now. This is actually the part that is causing me the most grief. I haven't really been worried about my post-graduation life plans but I've been worried that I wasn't worried. Well today a switch flipped and I got worried. I suddenly feel a lack of direction. I feel like Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean when his compass is all skiwampus and he has no clue where he's going or not. Yup. Perfect analogy for my feelings at this very moment.
When I let these thoughts run too long I end up thinking about tomorrow.We'll be going out to lunch tomorrow and my brothers won't be there. Everyone will ask me what my post-graduation plans are and I'll tell them of grand adventures I have planned (more or less) and then everyone will give me flack about not being married (as if every BYU student needs to be wearing a wedding ring before ever wearing a cap and gown) EVEN THOUGH the majority of people I know graduate single and even live to tell the tale. Yeah, I'll get married and I'll even be happy when I do. I just don't see why everyone needs to get their panties in a wad. I wonder: what do normal folks get harassed about after getting married and having kids? And I'll probably be annoyed with the long wait we'll have before we can eat and I'll wish that we had just gotten subs and met at the house or done something cool and recreational just to prove that I learned something from all my recreation management classes.
lu·cu·bra·tion
[loo-kyoo-brey-shuh
n] 
Show IPA–noun
1.
laborious work, study, thought, etc., especially at night.
2.
the result of such activity, as a learned speech ordissertation.
2 comments:
What do married people get harassed about? Nothing. Haha! Although we have way more serious problems to deal with - raising good kids, making enough money to pay for the house, family trips (or the lack thereof), investments, sickness, and retirement. So just enjoy your single life, sweetie.
Congratulations on your graduation! We are so proud of you. ;-)
Love,
Aunt Kara
Marcie. This one struck a nerve. Even though graduation was almost a month ago, I still feel those nervous future jitters. I've even picked what I'll be doing for 2 years. But some mornings I wake up and think- oh shoot I need to be going to Europe, or getting a full time job, or getting married, or exercising more- I thought I'd be doing so much more when I was a real "adult". But I'm happy where I'm at. And I'm happy our soccer kicked butt and IS kicking butt.
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